Barely Bear

Dear Agony Bear,

Me also a bear (love your work, by the way) but lately I haven't been feeling like myself. I've lost that "me eat you" get up and go. Yesterday me watched an entire school of salmon swim by my stream, without swiping once. For a minute, me actually marveled at how pretty they were. This morning a rabbit wandered into my den and me just watched it sniff around and leave.

how do me get back my precious urge to kill?

Sincerely,
Why me not want eat you?

Dear Why me not want eat you?,

It sounds like you have a real case of the Mondays. Try not to beat yourself up, sometimes we all feel a little off. Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise and if all else fails, remember you can fake it til you make it.

If a camper gives you a marshmallow from an open car window, don't just take the marshmallow - make sure to bite the entire arm off. The next time that bunny wanders in, rip off his arms and legs and throw his limbless corpse into his burrow. Even if you don't want to kill it, you can't let those bunnies know you've gone soft. When all else fails, take a good look in the mirror and tell yourself "ME A BEAR, ME A BEAR, ME A BEAR." it always works for me.

p.s. where you live? do you have nice den? sounds like you have plenty of salmon and bunnies to eat. Me just wondering. me promise not to track you down and maul your face off when you are most vulnerable. ME A BEAR.